


determine the end

by DesertLily



Series: Whumptober 2020 [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Anger Management, Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, Non-Graphic Violence, Numbness to pain, Self Harm, Self-Inflicted Injury, Slaughter Avatar Melanie King, The Slaughter, Whumptober, Whumptober 2020, but very light on the comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26785321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesertLily/pseuds/DesertLily
Summary: When the time comes to remove the bullet from Melanie's leg, the Slaughter had already begun to claim her. It calls to her with violence and rage; it calls for her to turn on those around her. But Melanie doesn't want to hurt them. Not really. She doesn't want to hurt anyone.
Relationships: Melanie King & Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Series: Whumptober 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1946296
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	determine the end

**Author's Note:**

> For the 'stabbed' prompt for Whumptober!

Melanie had known something was wrong for a long time. She felt it at the core of her being - she had since the...incident in India. Every doctor and hospital she had been to had insisted that there was no bullet; that she must have imagined being shot or perhaps merely wasn’t in the right state of mind. But Melanie  _ knew _ it was there. She could feel it move with every step she took. She could also feel the way it bled into her mind; twisting her thoughts and burning through her feelings. The anger that she had always tried to suppress felt justified. It felt right to want to burn the world down. It felt right to want to hurt everyone; to want to make everyone else suffer as much as she did. But Melanie knew that was  _ wrong _ . She shouldn’t want that! Her pain was hers to deal with and hers alone. It had always defined her being; the desperation to succeed if only to spite the world that she detested so much. 

So Melanie tried to ignore the calls to violence whispered at the back of her mind. ‘Tried’ was very much the key word. Sometimes it became too much, it  _ demanded _ that she act out. Who better to enact her anger on than Elias Bouchard? It wasn’t as if anyone would actually  _ miss  _ him. She’d probably be doing the world a favour by taking him out. His very existence felt...wrong. He never seemed quite human. It freaked her out. Though, she suspected it would freak anyone out. So, she began her many attempts to murder her boss. It didn’t seem like it was entirely out of place at the Magnus Institute. After all, the survival rate of those there didn’t seem to be the highest. Why should Elias be excluded? But every single attempt failed. Somehow, he knew when each one was coming and he made her  _ suffer _ for it. He forced the knowledge of  _ how _ her dad had died onto her. He forced the horror he had faced upon her. It was in that moment that she realised there wasn’t an ounce of goodness within him. He was pure evil.  _ He was the worst person she had ever met but he was untouchable _ . 

The anger inside of her grew louder at that. It screamed for her to hurt people; to hurt  _ anyone _ . It tried to entice her with promises of satisfaction. It tried to make Melanie lose herself. And honestly? It was beginning to succeed. All she felt anymore was rage. It consumed her entirely. Nothing could make her happy. No film was interesting enough. No music was good enough. No food tasted good enough. Everything just built on her anger. It built up and up and up until she was at her boiling point. It ate away at her entirely. After Tim’s death and Jon’s ensuing coma, it only grew worse. It was as if it was just more fuel to her foul emotions. The world was not fair to those within it so why should she try and adhere to its rules; it’s expectations? But deep down, Melanie still knew those words weren’t really hers. They felt unnatural as if a pressure at the back of her mind was pushing them upon her. They weren’t her thoughts by choice but they were hers nonetheless. So she lived with them. She tried to tame the anger. And she did tame it. For a while. 

Jon’s return to work was yet another catalyst. It was more wood on the fire burning inside of her mind. It was another call to senseless violence. It was another promise of relief from the hell she found herself lost within. But for whatever reason, she mostly managed to contain herself. Melanie mostly managed to keep living her life. But the violence began to fuel her dreams. Every time she fell asleep, her mind was full of Slaughter. It was graphic, and brutal, and cruel, and  _ it called to her _ . It offered her a temptation that most people would give into. But Melanie King wasn’t most people. She was stubborn. She was resilient. So she held off, doing her best to hide it. Not that there were many people to notice anymore. Elias was in prison. Peter Lukas couldn’t care less about any of them. Martin was...Lost in his own way. Jon was consumed by work. And Basira...Basira was still mourning Daisy. Melanie had long since stopped assuming that any of them cared about her. She had stopped assuming that they cared. Maybe...Maybe she should have kept assuming for a little while longer. 

The first thing Melanie felt when she woke up was numbness. Not the usual emotional numbness she was used to but a real one; a physical one. She couldn’t feel her leg. She couldn’t move her leg. The only reason she knew it was there was because she could still feel the bullet throbbing within it. That pain had never stopped. But she wasn’t in pain. Not yet at least. But Melanie very much felt threatened. Her eyes snapped open and she just...reacted. Her mind didn’t much care for who exactly those before her were. All it cared for was the slither of metal held in one of their hands. A scalpel. Indulging in her anger, she lunged forward to snatch the scalpel before anyone could stop her. Melanie didn’t care that she was grabbing it by the blade. Her rage hid the ache from the new cut on her hand. 

But once the scalpel was in her hands, Melanie froze. She finally managed to focus on the two people in the room with her. Jon and Basira. For better or for worse, they were the closest she had to friends. She didn’t want to hurt them.  _ You do _ . A voice at the back of her mind began to whisper.  _ You want to hurt them. You want to kill them. You want to destroy them _ . No, that wasn’t right... _ Give into the Slaughter _ . Vaguely, Melanie was aware of Jon and Basira talking but their words did not register in her mind. All that truly registered was the urge to stop herself doing something she would regret. Her body wanted to act on its own; to feed that unpredictable violence that had been feeding from her for so very long. But Melanie didn’t want that! But her body demanded that she hurt something; that she lashed out. So she did. But it wasn’t Jon who felt her rage. It wasn’t Basira who felt her wrath. It was herself. She had plunged the scalpel into her own arm. The anger began to quell for a while, quieting at the back of her mind. It was still an act of senseless violence. It was still an act of fury. It still fed that which was made from humanity’s primal rage. “I-I can’t control her…” Her voice wasn’t angry. For the first time in what felt like an eternity, Melanie didn;t feel angry. She felt  _ scared _ . 

“Christ…” In any other setting, she would have taken some level of satisfaction in seeing Jon dishevelled. But this wasn’t the time. As the anger faded, she felt every bit of the cut on her hand. She felt the scalpel stuck in the flesh of her arm. Melanie didn’t let out a sound but she doubted her expression did much to hide her pain. “Just...Just breathe.” Jon closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to work out what to do. Basira moved closer slowly and cautiously - as if expecting Melanie to hurt her. “We’re going to help you, Melanie. We’re going to get rid of the bullet. We’re going to stop whatever it’s doing to you.” He took a deep breath as his voice softened. “It’s going to be okay.” For once, Melanie actually found herself believing the words. 

“...Just make it quick.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are always appreciated! Or hmu @ desert-lily on tumblr


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